I’m not ashamed of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am deeply ashamed to be associated with many other members, especially those within this state (Utah). This post is dedicated to addressing those members of the church.
If you’re not a member (or have left the Church), you might want to stick around to see how this plays out. You might like even watching this go down. Thinking that something is off with many of these people is not just in your head.
Lest people click away thinking that this is another “anti” post (word used by members to describe people or content published by those who have left/hate the church), I’ll establish three points from the get-go:
- I’m a current, tithe-paying member (fully employed, married and pregnant mother of six).
- I have no intentions of leaving the church despite the incredible embarrassment that other members and their behaviors cause.
- I am not affiliated with any particular political party. I’m just a Millennial.
The hardest part of being a member of the Church in Utah has been seeing the corruption by members within my own state and what crappy policies promoted by elite members and their supporters have invited upon the Church and its members as a whole.
A law that was intended to protect unborn fetuses from their whorish mothers (uhh…protect and nourish life up until birth) actually ended up hurting Utah families, especially lower-income members of the Church. Many of you will click away after reading “lower-income” because you believe that being lower-income is a moral deficiency that can be overcome with hard work and diligence. Many of you will click away because you perceive becoming pregnant with a man’s child before marriage as a moral deficiency in a woman. Stay tuned.
I’m currently on Medicaid (first strike against me). My employer’s health insurance is based out of a different state (I work for a remote company). Medicaid plans require you to enroll in your employer’s insurance, if available. They will reimburse your premiums and deductible as well…unless that plan has abortion coverage not in line with Utah’s abortion laws. When I enrolled, I had been sent multiple notices, by the state, reiterating that I would receive reimbursement. I was then told that I would not be eligible for reimbursement. I cannot afford these premiums or deductibles. It gets better. When I last reported a pregnancy, I was not reimbursed for 4 months (including the 3 months after a miscarriage ) because I was moved to the pregnant women program which does not reimburse for employer plans at all. This pregnancy ended in a loss (3 days after I reported it). I was effectively paying a premium to be pregnant and miscarry.
Had laws not been passed as they currently stand, I would be reimbursed. This post is not intended to duke out why Roe v. Wade was overturned. I am simply stating what the consequences that Utah’s laws, heavily influenced by other members of my religion, have had upon my family despite me having never sought an abortion.
Folks, I thought that we were supposed to have families. Historically, the church has prided itself on having big families as a sign of faith. Prophet after prophet has extolled the virtues of having children, especially in this day-and-age. I recall reading a conference talk in which a young, married medical student spoke to his bishop (speaker of this talk) about his and his wife’s hesitant decision to wait to have children until he was done with medical school. The bishop asked “Where is your faith?” They ended up having two children before he graduated.
Now, as someone who had four kids prior to graduating with their bachelor’s degree at twenty-five, I’d say that required a lot of faith. There might be those who are church members among you, perhaps many, who believe that “Yeah, but goodness. Cap it at like four like a responsible adult. And wait till you have a house and a job with health insurance and a 401k”. Wait until it’s easier before you can show your faith in God. Hmmm…
Oh. Unless you happen to live in an affluent upper-middle class neighborhood like the ones that I grew up in. Then you can do whatever you want with your family size. What’s classy if you’re rich and trashy if you’re poor? Having a family.
I understand that family planning is between a husband, wife, and the Lord. Do you? Or do you find that it’s your business to ask? Or do you unknowingly harbor the belief that sex should only be reserved for those who can fully and non parasitically care for all of their children without use of “welfare” or tax-payer dollars? Are you willing to support programs that help families who do not fall in the top income brackets and echelons of society, or do you believe that those not blessed with the same privileges as you deserve their lot in life (see King Benjamin’s sermon for more details)? By the way, being economically affluent is statistically what is required to purchase a home in this state now. Do you look down on those within the Kingdom who are raising up the next generation of church members using your tax dollars?
God forbid. Oh wait…He didn’t. I am not necessarily advocating for a “big government” solution here. I am merely asking the questions.
As someone who is in the start of their career and supporting a family of eight (soon-to-be nine) on $55k a year before taxes; that requires a lot of faith. I can’t tell you the number of middle to upper-middle class white mothers of three or less children who have told me “Ohhh I couldn’t do it with that many. I don’t know how you do it”.
Ma’am, your home is half the size of my local grocery store. You take bi-annual trips to Hawaii, You drive a brand new Tesla. You may be older than me by about a decade, but let’s not kid ourselves; our priorities weren’t the same now, were they? (Stick around, and you’ll see why it’s not the wives who I have the problem with. Many of them would likely have had more if they felt more valued and supported in their super sacred roles as wives and mothers).
Why am I picking on this demographic in particular? Well, because it happens to comprise the majority of wives of decision-makers in this state. In fact, a very well known Utah politician has a son living in my parents neighborhood, albeit in his in-law’s basement (the typical occupants of the neighborhood fit the above criteria).
I have paid my tithing in full since getting married over a decade ago. This included when we were donating plasma to put food in the fridge. We’d pay the $3 on the $30 that we got for sitting in a chair with a giant needle in our arm for an hour. The amount that I pay could go towards other, very needed, expenses. If you’re reading this and are not a member, or do not believe that members are actually required to pay 10% of their income under dire circumstances, know that this is not done out of fear of repercussions of any kind from the Church. This has been a voluntary decision. I am not a victim or martyr of the Church. I am a voluntary member. I believe that the blessings of paying tithing will exceed the downsides. Call me naive; but maybe wait till the end of the post first.
Maybe questions to ponder before your next temple recommend interview…
Do you deal honestly with your fellow man? (this is a question asked)
“Yes”. I also believe that unmarried and/or poor couples shouldn’t be having kids that they can’t afford! I’ll be darned if my tax dollars go towards welfare programs that feed the hungry.
Does the expression “grind on the face of the poor” ring a bell to you, or did you think that expression only applies to members of color in third-world countries dominated by dictators? Or even better, did you skip that over in the MTC (missionary training center) entirely? Do you really think that the majority of people in this state are suffering because they’re not as righteous or deserving as you? Should we start capping family sizes on Medicaid and other government programs as “the official number of children that our noble elite are willing to support you having”?
The following verse is directly pulled from Jacob chapter 2. This is a book within the Book of Mormon. If you’re not a member, you’ll likely read it more correctly than the members of the Church who this post is addressing. The members who are reading this do know what this is referencing as well, however much they may wish to not apply it to themselves as the truth may be…hard to hear (yes, they know what that’s referencing too).
Jacob 2:13
13 And the hand of providence hath smiled upon you most pleasingly, that you have obtained many riches; and because some of you have obtained more abundantly than that of your brethren ye are alifted up in the pride of your hearts, and wear stiff necks and high heads because of the costliness of your apparel, and persecute your brethren because ye suppose that ye are better than they.
Oh and the next verse is pretty straightforward as to what God thinks of this nonsense.
14 And now, my brethren, do ye suppose that God justifieth you in this thing? Behold, I say unto you, Nay. But he condemneth you, and if ye persist in these things his judgments must speedily come unto you.
He goes on to say more things of that nature against these men. I promise I’m almost done with the scripture portion here. But if you’re like me and tired of seeing members of the Church using their religion to justify behaviors and election of leaders who enact policies that hurt individuals,families, and those undeserving poor, read on:
17 Think of your abrethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your bsubstance, that cthey may be rich like unto you.
18 But abefore ye seek for briches, seek ye for the ckingdom of God.
19 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to ado good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.
Yup. This is what those same men and women who voted for our current lineup of leaders into office are professing to believe by showing up to church on Sunday. This is what they are testifying to believe in their meetings and before their bishops. Should they really be called believers or disciples of Christ? Do you see the incongruent thinking here? The irony?
There’s another chapter in the Book of Mormon that talks about a group of church members who get up in their church, talk about how great they are, praise God for making them elite, and go home without speaking of God for the rest of the week. The description makes it sound like a freaky cult. Huh. Imagine that…
I guess that’s between them and God. If you’d like to read the rest of that chapter, I can send you a link. There’s a whole dang book that these people seem to have utterly forgotten or twisted. One of the “Capitol climbers” dressed up as Captain Moroni (military hero from the Book of Mormon) and claimed to be defending the cause of liberty (despite the Church condemning this line of action in every election statement that they issue). I digress.
Back to my point on problems in society clearly being a moral deficiency in women:
I understand that sex education is not a strong point for this state. Nevertheless, I’d like to make a bold statement:
It would not matter if every “whore” in Utah put a sign on her door saying “Free Sex” and laid in bed awaiting male greeters; if men honored their priesthood aka…valued life and served others as children of God, not a single one of them would be impregnated or solicited.
Okay, what the heck does “honoring their priesthood” even mean? I’ll translate real quick. Some of this might even be news to members…
Short version: Holding the priesthood is the privilege of using the power of God to bless and serve His children. This is why male members of the church go out shoveling driveways, salting the sidewalks of the buildings in the winter, helping members move, etc. This is supposed to be about serving others in their church and community. It is not a white-collar (get it?) club of individuals whom God has deemed superior to women.
Here is the long version: “priesthood power” is God’s power upon the Earth. “The priesthood” is a standard of conduct held by men in the church that allows them to participate in what’s called “ordinances” such as passing the bread and water trays during congregation meetings (“the sacrament” as it’s called). It’s given to boys first at the age of twelve then sixteen. Finally (usually when a boy chooses to serve a mission), he is given the “final” blessing.
Priesthood holders place their hands on people’s heads and give them a “blessing” (to the effect of “God, if it be Thy will, let this person have *whatever ailment they are experiencing* be removed. But Thine will be done”. If men are not living in a manner worthy of holding the priesthood, they are not permitted to participate in ordinances. It is an honor code among men, with the intention of making them into husbands and dads worthy of creating families that honor God. Women within the church are not given priesthood authority.
A huge part of why I do not take issue with not holding the priesthood is that I don’t feel that it’s requisite for me to hold it to transmit life or value to another. And it’s not. Both physically and in principle, the gift of using the power of God and transmitting life is built into my system. Also, why would I sign up for more things to do? You think a mother’s hand isn’t enough of a blessing to her child, especially in the absence of a worthy man? C’mon now. I’ll be accountable to the same standard of moral conduct, but I’m grateful that all of that business is someone else’s to worry about being worthy of.
Do y’all think “Laying on of hands” should only apply to giving someone a blessing when they’re sick or as when giving a blessing to a baby? Or do you think that maybe abiding by that standard is what makes you worthy, in the eyes of God, to give a willing woman the gift of life needed to create a person? Do you not believe that the priesthood would have greater impact on society if used for what it was intended?
In the Book of Mormon, there’s a prophet named Jacob who dedicates an entire sermon to chastising a group of male church members for wanting to acquire additional wives and concubines to sleep around with. He references that this has only ever been permissible when God has commanded it (usually to boost the population or care for widowed/single women with no prospects of marriage). In that section is a scripture that I’ve heard quoted out of context since I was twelve-years-old.
Yes. This is also copy-pasted from the Church’s website. Jacob 2:28
28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the achastity of women. And bwhoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
In my experience, this scripture has mostly been used to deter young women from giving their virginity away before they’re married. It is used to justify speaking of young and mature women in derogatory terms should they choose to engage in sexual relations before marriage. Yeahhh…except….
The audience of this scripture was a group of married men who were members of the existing church at that time. This was not given to a group of girls or women.
No really. This is verse 31:
31 For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and aabominations of their bhusbands.
Let’s reread that last part, shall we “abominations of their husbands” (italicized by me). Notice that Jacob did NOT say “Don’t give into those lusty, carnal women who are trying to lure you away from your wives and children”.
Who do you think Jacob was compelling to create delightful circumstances to the Lord? Who do you think Jacob was telling these men to value? Current laws and ideologies seem to treat pregnancy as a result of men being unable to resist the incredible sexual allure that women have. After all, we have noooo idea how hard it is being a man and dealing with being surrounded by women. Yes, the woman is the one ultimately responsible for carrying and delivering the baby. Did we forget how babies are made? Did we forget that a man put that life into her? It seems that you don’t believe that society would be any better off if all men were priesthood -bearing members of the Church. They’d still be tempted by those whores, after all.
Funny how the same logic behind blaming women for becoming pregnant could be used to justify cheating on your spouse, soliciting a professional sex worker, or watching porn. Those darned whores and their irresistible goods…
I suppose you could take this scripture as meaning “Place higher restrictions on women since the Lord delights in them being chaste more than he does men”.
Let’s see how that train of logic flows: “The Lord delights in the chastity of women. He’s set specific standards and restrictions on my behavior for participating in ordinances and other essential steps for my salvation. Therefore, if a man impregnates a woman, she darned better keep it to suffer the consequences of her own actions for being a whore”.
I’m sorry…..hang on. What?
“Well, not all men are members of the church. We can’t hold all men accountable. After all, we know how men are.”
Yes…and Utah has the highest rate in the nation of viewing pornography because y’all are doing a fantastic job of raising your own sons to view women as daughters of God.
Not all women are members of the church. Not all women agree that abortion should be treated as murder. Not all women have sex outside of marriage or seek abortions for “recreational” reasons (93% are done in the first-trimester in case you were curious), and yet there seem to be no qualms about placing majorly life-impacting restrictions on all women. And if you read my specific plight with Medicaid above, you’ll note that a man in Utah in the same plan would also not reimbursed. Whoops. Someone didn’t think that one through all the way.
I received an ad in the paper for Sportsman’s Warehouse advertising a handgun for $99. Most women in this state have easier access to a handgun than an abortion.
“If someone chooses to end their life over getting pregnant or desperately impoverished, they would have made a terrible mother anyway. Natural selection.”
“She was a drain on society anyway. She wouldn’t have been able to handle being a mother if being pregnant was too much.”
Ah, so it’s only acceptable to kill an unborn baby if it’s both a homicide and a suicide. How very Christlike of you.
Brethren, you literally have the equivalent of a gun in your pants. This is not an innuendo. I mean impregnating a woman, used to frequently and still can, end in death of the woman and child. I have to approach parenting my sons the same way that I would train someone to safely carry around an assault weapon at all times with surges of testosterone surges through their veins. There is also the very real threat that the physiology of a man poses to a woman. For a woman to really fairly defend herself, many have argued, she needs to have a firearm. Is this me saying that men are awful, dangerous creatures? No. However, it is naive of me to ignore that men have the potential to kill and inflict undesired life upon me and others should they chose to do so. Every man whom I’ve encountered can attest to the amount of self-restraint that it takes to be a man in society. Self-restraint appears to be a condition for men in civilized society. But it’s still the woman’s fault if she traps him with that irresistible body of hers.
“But if it’s consensual, and she’s fine with it, what’s the problem? We’re both adults!”
Look, I’m tired of pretending that the dynamic in sex is ever balanced. Pretend that someone tells you that they’re wearing a bullet-proof vest so it’s okay to shoot them, and you do. What happens when they start bleeding out because they were lying about the vest?
“She said she was wearing a vest, so I thought we were fine. She tricked me! She shouldn’t go get help. She needs to suffer the consequences of her actions!”
You’re the one holding the gun, brother.
The Priesthood and all of its appendages appears to be warranted as a system of accountability for men in general. Why would this be helpful? Well, because the power dynamic between men and women is never balanced. Living with a man is the physical equivalent of living with a large omnivore who is physically capable of killing me. Thankfully, this large omnivore has a prefrontal cortex and other brain parts that help it to regulate itself. A belief in a higher power can be beneficial in keeping it accountable as well. Well, it is when it respects women as much as my husband does. Are women feeble and helpless? Not at a general level, but I’ve also been weight training for five years and would never dream of engaging a man of even below-average strength in a fight.
“What about women who are infertile? You’re saying that women are only valuable if they can get pregnant?”
Yeah, you got me. I went on a whole exposition about women only to say that the fertile ones are the ones truly valued by God. Goodness no. That’s their logic. I’m saying that the practice of valuing women, and people in general, without exception would result in a positive upheaval in society rather than treating women as only valuable if they somehow persuaded a man to stay.
The logic of condemning her would be similar to someone breaking into someone’s house and leaving a bunch of their junk all over the living room. The burglar is reprimanded…maybe. The homeowner begins clearing the junk out of their house as soon as the burglar is taken off to jail or flees the scene. You can even switch the analogy to be a roommate who leaves their stuff behind after moving out. The homeowner begins disposing of the abandoned property while neighbors begin screaming “Stop! Wait! Don’t you have any respect for private property?!”
Look, I get that a growing life is not junk. I’m stating that the ability to bring that life to pass after a man drops off his load, so to speak, is a choice that should be between a woman and God; not a woman and her congressman. I’m not advocating for or stating that I’m a fan of abortions. I’m saying that as a woman who has been pregnant and delivered six children, I’d have a very difficult time judging any woman for wanting to take action on an unwanted pregnancy in the first trimester.
People are not persistently flinging stones against the Church because you all are so holy, and it makes them so mad to “see the Kingdom of God march forth”. People are sick of seeing the self-righteous incongruous behavior that leads to hurting and blaming others. They are sick of the lack of holding priesthood holders accountable for their actions. Nearly every instance of someone leaving the Church, or information that caused them to leave, was because of a breach of authority or power. Someone neglected or abused their power or authority that resulted in hurting and exploiting another person for their gain. People leaving the Church is nearly always the failure of a priesthood holder in doing their job of serving God, protecting the vulnerable, and loving their families and communities as Christ would. I’ve never met someone who left because the righteous influence around them was just too much for their deceived brains to handle. And in my experience, it is almost never because someone “got offended over something silly”.
I’m tired of being embarrassed by a group of people who profess to represent God or my deeply-loved religion while simultaneously ignoring the majority of the very book that represents the uniqueness of that religion. These people do not represent me or the God that I believe in. They are not living the religion. That’s why I haven’t left the religion.
Brethren, hold your brothers and other men accountable. This Church will continue to be condemned because of your actions, behaviors, and ideals. If you believe that you hold God’s power, why not use it for good against those of your kind who refuse that weight of responsibility? Why not use it to instill laws and programs that help guide men in the right direction? Why pursue the victims of those who inflicted life unworthily? Until you are willing to face and address the issues that uninhibited, unrestricted, and uncontrolled men (not women or other whores) cause in society, you can’t tell me that you’re truly trying to build the Kingdom here.
None Given. None Taken. 