If it were just me, I’d be all pretentious and tell everyone on social media that”Valentine’s Day is an overmarketed holiday for sappy couples and sad losers.”
Which is kiiiiiiinda is. But I married a man with feelings who wants to do stuff for Valentine’s Day. And by stuff…I don’t mean sex. I’ve been pregnant for the last two Valentine’s Days or had a newborn. This year, I’m on my period. Go friggin figure, right?
Damon and I hit our 6-year mark together on the 12th. Woohoo! Happy Day! In the spirit of the heartsy holiday and ish, I decided to throw together a list. Here’s a bunch of stuff that Damon and I have done or do on a regular basis that kinda shows how dang comfy we are with one another.
- When we first got married, we would get all defensive if one of us criticized the other’s, family. Now we chuckle and agree wholeheartedly that *insert family member here* is batshootsnoodle crazy. Sometimes it turns into a competition…
- If there’s a chance to sleep for an extra 25 minutes or have sex…….ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
- I’ll walk into the bathroom while he’s taking a dump and try to start a conversation about something “important”. This is usually followed by “Go away!” or “I’m trying to focus!”
- I used to share my treats with him. Now I hide them from him in weird places that I won’t list because I don’t want him finding them. My attitude is “Make it last”. His attitude is “SEIZE THE DAY!” and before I know it, all of my dang ice cream has been eaten. ~Damon: That ice cream was a month old!
- Sending dank memes to each other. Usually involving just one of us laughing hysterically while the other sits there with a blank expression.
- Me picking what we watch on Hulu because I don’t like what he picks, and he can tolerate just about anything that I feel like watching. We do have a few go-to favorites now: House, Last Man on Earth, and Community.
- Calling dibs on who buckles which unruly child into their car seat.
- Vaginas make weird noises during sex. The first time that it happened, I cried from embarrassment. Now, I’m all “Focus, bruh!”
- Not feeling like a bore for not turning the bedroom into a kama sutra show. You don’t need to do the upside down doggy whistle chandelier (I seriously just made this up. Please don’t Google this) to have a good time. If it works, it works!
- Not comparing the quantity of sex. “Regular” is a very relative term. Some people find time to jive twice a day. Other people do it once a month. Your marriage is not doomed if you are not smashing three times a week like clockwork.
- Having him talk to me while I shower. He doesn’t stand there ogling. It’s more like “Will you close the curtain, please?! You’re getting water all over the floor!”
- Farting during arguments and not even flinching anymore. My butthole will not challenge my stance! We will finish this in spite of my flatulence!!! (Damon changed it from “your” to “my”….YOU’RE A BRAT! WE BOTH DO THIS!)
- Instead of getting mad at him for asking if we can sell our children to pay tuition, I agree with exasperation
- Dropping 90% of wardrobe expectations for dates. There is a direct correlation between how long I spend getting ready and how angry I am with the world.
- I used to set these hella high expectations for dates. Sometimes, eating cheese in the parking lot in our pajamas is pretty great.
- Not yelling at him for leaving his socks on the floor anymore because I do it too now and IDGAF.
- Household chores only cause 39% of arguments now instead of 67%
- He still thinks that I’m hot….even though he’s seen, heard, and smelled ALL that I’m capable of producing
- Right backa’cha, dude!
- Discussing aliens, marine animals, and riddles in the shower instead of doing the sailor’s handstand or the mermaid twist or the Free Willy..or whatever the heck reckless physically irresponsible sex position people perform in the shower. Shower sex is kinda overrated if you ask me…Shampoo in eyes, someone isn’t getting the hot water, someone slips and falls…I would rather stick my tablet in a plastic bag and watch Shark Tank. Alone.
- Being cool with me and loving me even though I’m really REEEEEAAAALLYY annoying/bossy/whiney about 49% of the time that I’m awake.
- He’s about 23% of the time, so I guess it’s okay.
- Apparently, I fart in my sleep….
Happy Valentine’s Day, Damon! ❤