America, you make me HATE being female

Being a woman sucks.

No, I am not going to start identifying as a beaver or wolfkin or a man or whatever. But let me be perfectly clear: I am bitter about my sex. Both definitions.

I’ve been getting periods since I was 12-years-old. I’ve spent so much money buying pads. I’ve spent a good portion of my life curled up in my desk at school and leaving class to go vomit from the cramps. Going home for class periods (haha…) to sit in a hot bathtub with a glass of water and ibuprofen. Sitting in a pool of my own blood when I sit down. Having boys ask me if I was moody because I was on my period. Oh, tampons you say? Some girls can use them. Some, like me, cannot. Why? It f*cking hurts. It’s like shoving a hard wad of toilet paper into a small hole. I haven’t tried in years.

Up until this past century, women used rags. Women still use dirty rags in developing countries. Dirty rags where dirt and other uncleanliness should never touch. Girls stay home from school during their period in developing countries because they cannot go to school bleeding. And you know who cares? Not enough people.

Because girls aren’t supposed to be sexual creatures. Let me summarize female sexuality for ya: we’re supposed to bleed, find a man, lie on our back to please him, carry his child, lie on our back to birth our baby into the hands of a man, keep quiet about our wounds because they’re “normal”, and go back to lying on our backs to please the man.

For a long time, in many African countries, there’s been a practice called “female genital mutilation”. It’s exactly what it sounds like. A girls’ mother and grandmother hold down a barely pubescent girl, and cut off her clitoris and outer sexual organs with a knife, then sew up her vagina. Without pain relievers. The girl screaming. Usually on the dirt floor. It’s a “coming of age”. It’s supposed to keep this girl’s sexuality in line so she’s not seducing men and slutting around. Yes, this practice still exists. Yes, I feel like throwing up as I write this. Because for the rest of that girl’s life, she will never ever know sexual pleasure. Ever. Before she even got a chance. When her husband expects sex, it will hurt her. Forever. When she gives birth to his copious amounts of children, it will injure her. Time and time again. Forever. Such is her life. It is her burden to bear. This was not uncommon. It’s still practiced.

We like to pretend like we’re any better here in the grand ol’ USA. We like to pretend that we’re the safest and most fair nation in the world.

Bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. 

We took birth away from women. A that a woman’s body is specifically designed to do without the help of a man. 

There have always been more male doctors than female. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first female doctor in this nation. Do you know how long ago she graduated from medical school? 1849. And it wasn’t because women couldn’t do it! We weren’t allowed to! It was our job to chill at home with big bellies filled with baby.

Around 1904, men decided that women weren’t allowed to have babies on their own in this country. Hospitals became the norm. Screw the last thousands of years. Instead of letting midwives have their rightful place as the custodians of women’s health and allowing them to become dually educated in medicine, they took birth away from women. They wanted to start controlling a process that takes place in nature every damn day. “YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT US!!” they screamed. “YOU HAVE TO HAVE THAT BABY IN A HOSPITAL OR YOU WILL DIE!!!” Let’s stick needles into you, hold you down on your back, and treat this normally low-risk process like directing the damn Titanic through a narrow gorge! Women aren’t capable of simply having a baby in a bathtub, under the careful eye of her midwife. Is she insane?! Does she want a death sentence? DON’T PUSH!!! THE MAN HASN’T ENTERED THE ROOM YET! Never mind the nurses standing around with temporarily useless medical licenses! Never mind that the baby is almost out and you’ve already numbed her up to the point where she can’t move! STOP PUSHING!! THE MOM DOWN THE HALL IS PUSHING! YOU WILL WAIT YOUR TURN! What do you MEAN you don’t want pain medication?! YOU ARE A WOMAN! YOU CAN’T HANDLE THIS PAIN!!

Wow. It must suck to birth under those conditions. Can you imagine?

………….oh shit. We STILL do that, don’t we?

Yes, if women are considered “high-risk”, they should be monitored with modern medicine by qualified doctors. But goodness doesn’t the mom deserve a chance to try and birth without an army of zero confidence surrounding her??

She deserves a chance to tear naturally without being cut with scissors. Cold scissors at your vagina, snipping you straight down. Because your baby’s head is too big to come out of your sensitive, delicate vaginal wall. So, let’s cut it instead!

Wait. What?

BREAK!!! Everyone go get a sheet of paper. Put your hands at the corners and try tearing it. Fast. Keep trying….Keep trying…..Maybe you got it. Okay, now go get some scissors and cut the paper. Like any length. Try cutting an inch. Now try tearing the paper. Wow!! Look at how easily that tore! I have just explained to you why “episiotomies” are such a stupid idea.

No…it’s not the stupidest.

There’s a fun invention called a “husband stitch”. While the woman is getting her vagina stitched up, the doctor decides to throw in an “extra” stitch, just to make her opening tighter for the good husband in the corner. For anyone who actually gets how vaginas work….this does not make her vagina tighter. It makes it harder to get in. Thanks, doc! She’ll love having sex now.

I know. I had the same reaction. Doctors are doing this?!! Medical doctors practice this to women? YES. Yes they do! Nevermind that the woman now will face recovery and stitches and all manner of things that could potentially affect her vagina. Forever. Just like the girl in Cambodia or Nigeria. This woman’s vagina is permanently altered for “her own good”.

Think I’m joking? If a man forces a woman to lie down while he cuts open her vagina with scissors and tells her it’s for the best, it’s called “rape”. He does it during birth?……….

“Hahaha! Mine did that too! Man, the things we women go through, huh?”

America is the worst developed country to have a baby in. No, I’m not joking. 75% of Europe uses a midwife at birth. And no, not the kind who answers to an OB/GYN and takes half an hour to come back to your room with a decision. Not the kind who is supposed to let the doctor deliver the baby. The midwives in Europe oversee the entire process from the beginning to postpartum 6 week visit. Their C-section rate is 3.7% compared to our 33%.

Why do we do this to women? Well, I have two answers; misogyny and insurance.

Anyone who reads my posts knows how much I HATE insurance companies. In the last 2 years, I have paid $7780 out of pocket for both of my children. I’m a college student who lives in my parent’s basement. My husband is also a college student. In other words, we are broke. Why?

Because I chose to birth with a midwife in a birthing center instead of going to the hospital like a “good mom”. Because I obviously wanted to endanger the lives of myself and my child. Because I just don’t know what’s good for me, I guess.

No. I didn’t want pain relief. I can handle it. I did it with my daughter during a 10 1/2 hour labor with 2 hours of pushing. My midwife, who is an advanced practice nurse, oversaw my son’s birth. The only time she touched me was to rub some peppermint oil on my back to distract me from the contractions. That felt great by the way. I was the first human being to touch my son. I pushed him out in two pushes into the clean tub in the birthing center and scooped him up. Did it hurt? Yeah. Can I handle it? Yes. Why? Because I can. And no, I don’t look down on a soul on this planet for getting an epidural. So long as it was your choice.

But insurance companies don’t give a shit about what actually works. And hospitals make bank off of births. This country doesn’t care what actually works for women during childbirth. Because then we couldn’t charge them as much. We refuse to admit to ourselves that MOST women do not need a damn man in the room touching her or her baby unless it’s her partner! We applaud literally any field that brings more technology into the process. Even though it really isn’t necessary most of the time with childbirth.

Neither do hospitals. We’ve barely come out of the dark ages. We prance around with our shiny tools and white coats and act like it’s progress. What about the third of women who are getting sliced open and being told that it’s “necessary”? What about the women who face years of scar tissue and pain during sex and being told that “it’s normal”. Just use more lube, right?

Did you know that about 80% of women can’t orgasm through penetration alone? How about that? Size barely matters! But instead, we applaud our boys for having big penises and act like it’s the greatest asset and……..oh wait. What do you mean that doesn’t feel good? None of the other girls who I’ve been with had a problem. There must be something wrong with you. Oh, you need lube? Why aren’t you more turned on? Why are you so needy?

Women have scar tissue from having babies come rocketing through their vaginas. We breastfeed and have our vaginal lubrication drop because we’re trying to feed people! And our bodies say “Ohhh no. She’s not having sex anytime soon. She just had a baby. Let’s cancel all flights into the vagina for the next few years until this baby is weaned.”

“Just relax!”

You mean…..fall asleep? ‘Cause that is what will happen if I relax without proper stimulation. I will fall faaaaast asleep. “Oh! Make sure your relationship is in the right place or you won’t orgasm!” Yeah..Not helping. I had a baby. I’m tired. I want someone to please me for a change! “Oh, it’s normal to feel this way! I guess it’s just harder for women to orgasm for men. Man, the things we women go through, huh? Are you sure you’re using enough lube?”

If 64% of men were not having regular orgasms with sex, lemme tell you….THERE WOULD BE ACTION! We would pull out all the stops on research and development and come up with a super packed action stimulation hormone chemical compound that would enable men to have ALLLLLLLL the satisfying sex!!!

Viagra? Here…I copied and pasted this bit from EveryDayHealth.com

Common Side Effects of Viagra

  • Headache
  • Flushing in the face, neck, or chest
  • Upset stomach, indigestion
  • Abnormal vision
  • Nasal congestion
  • Back pain
  • Muscular pain or tenderness
  • Nausea
  • Dizziness
  • Rash
  • Diarrhea

Serious Side Effects of Viagra

  • Change or loss of vision
  • Ringing in ears or hearing loss
  • Chest pain or irregular heartbeat
  • Shortness of breath
  • Lightheadedness
  • Swelling in the hands, ankles, and feet

 

And it’s still sold. Widely available and used. Easily sold. Who cares about the side effects? MEN NEED THEIR ORGASM!!! THEY NEED A BONER!

Female Viagra? Nahhhhh!! It might give you heart palpitations or a headache. You can live without it. Have you relaxed yet by the way? No? Oh, I guess you just need to play with yourself more…No, I’m not joking. The FDA turned down a female viagra on terms pretty much like what I just listed.

Female birth control? For the love, people…tt is 100000X easier to disable a gun than it is to make people bulletproof!!! Why the hell are we dumping so much energy into making women less able to become pregnant? Why don’t we focus on the penis that does the impregnating? Why don’t we give men a shot in the ass that’ll deactivate their sperm? Oh, it doesn’t exist? WHY NOT?!

I’ve been on birth control. Several kinds. My sex drive dove. I became a monster. I was sweaty. It made me miss work due to sickness. Finally, I said “Screw it. You can pull out. I’m done destroying my body at my own expense.”

I’m sick of it. I am absolutely DONE WITH THE BULLSHIT! I am sick and tired of this country waving its red, white, and blue penis around proclaiming to have the most superior medicine. To be so advanced. When there are millions and millions of women who go to bed wondering if her sex life will EVER be good. GOOD, people! Wonder why divorce rates are so high? You know how important sex is to a relationship? Hmmmmmm………….

Women are blamed for the lack of orgasm. Her relationship must be the problem. Is her man doing enough laundry? Is she relaxing enough? That baby who she worked so hard to get here must be the issue. It must be breastfeeding. It must be that she’s too tense.

Why does a woman have to work her entire life to get an orgasm when a man gets one even if the woman is asleep?

Oh. That’s just life, you say? That’s just what we women have to deal with?

We live in a country that proclaims to be superior. We live in 2016, and women are still lacking orgasms. Why, people? Because nobody cares if women orgasm. It’s normal if she doesn’t. Who cares? It’s not necessary to carry this glorious race forward, so who cares? She’s not a man. She doesn’t have a penis. So…who cares?

DO YOU HAVE A MOM? Of course, you do. Every single human on this planet has a mother. Every SINGLE person on this planet has a mom. YOU! YOU READING THIS! A woman tore her body apart to bring you into this world!! And these are the conditions that she lives in. How does that make you feel?

It should make you feel like changing something. Right now.

It should make you want to scream from the rooftops for that woman who worked so damn hard to get you here. It should make you want to storm the hospital, removing every doctor who sees fit to subject women to unhumane conditions that are considered “normal”. It should make you want to demand that healthcare be given back to qualified midwives who served women so well for nearly ALL of time.

It should make you want to change.

Whether for your mother, your wife, girlfriend, grandmother, or yourself. Because in some way or another, this will affect you. I promise.

This is the thanks that we are giving our mothers. THIS is what America thinks of its women. It has to stop. Change it. Choose women. Protect women. Give us what we worked so hard for. Get qualified and stand up for other women who are suffering under these conditions every day.

America, on behalf of myself and all women in this country; until you can give us what you deserve, you don’t make the choices for our bodies. You don’t decide where we can have our babies. You don’t get to decide our “normal”. You don’t get to decide how my body and sex life will be affected for the rest of my life.

Because until you can deliver what man has been entitled to since the beginning of time; go screw yourself.

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America, you make me HATE being female

One thought on “America, you make me HATE being female

  1. Kaitlynn says:

    Ok normally I don’t comment but I have to on this one. I am a nurse, and I do women children float (mom baby, NICU, and pediatrics). When I first heard about said job I thought I would have to L&D. That alone made me not want the job because I HATE how many hospitals expect you do birth their way. In school, I had clinical nurses who basically made bets on when a woman would “change her mind” and “just” get the epidural. It infuriates me that so many health professionals don’t realize that our bodies are literally made for this- if they weren’t, humans would have been extinct long ago. Birth is natural and most women can do it just fine if someone can just tell them it’s possible!! That being said, I love being on mom baby and helping mom’s breastfeed and giving them time to bond with baby, but it is so sad how many elective and unnecessary C-sections we have.

    Like

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