Ladies, you’ve got double standards

There’s this rad trend on my Facebook Newsfeed that’s driving me to madness (and it’s not sucky inspirational quotes this time). It’s girls reposting THIS shiz:

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You know who you are! I am specifically addressing ladies here because I never see dudes posting this garbage. There’s another stereotype for guys who do this. Hello “nice guys”!

Let’s look at where you’re at first. Do you read at least once a month? Can you cook ravioli without setting off the smoke alarm? Are you studying to become an attorney? How’s your relationship with mom? Do you have any felonies? Do children bring you joy or make your ovaries crawl into your body cavity? Do you get off the couch sometimes? Can you do laundry without ruining your wardrobe? What are you doing with your life? What makes you such a catch?!

Would you date yourself? No, this is not a self-centered question. Do you like yourself enough to take you to dinner?

You know those books where there’s a smoking hot dude who has three billion dollars who drives a Lotus, and he picks up this mousey girl with bushy eyebrows and a stutter from the local art gallery that she frequents because she has crippling social anxiety and can’t walk straight to save her life?  Yeah. Those books. You know why those books going flying off the shelves? It’s fantasy. That seriously never happens. It’s not going to happen to you. Kate Middleton is no exception. She met Prince William in college.

What kind of people do you attract? It’s usually the kind of person who you are. If you’re putting up pictures of your cleavage for the whole dang world to see (and yes, you do know if it’s a boob shot), don’t complain when you get a bunch of losers blowing up your inbox asking for more revealing photos (BARELY more revealing than what you put up). You’re already willing to show off skin to strangers online, let’s see what you’ll do for a guy who takes you to DINNER! Oh yeah, baby.

If you post a bunch of needy quotes about what you expect from a man, it’s like saying “I’m not actually doing much else with my life other than working part-time at Macy’s and watching Vampire Diaries with my besties…but I will be LOYAL! I promise that I will be the best girlfriend ever!”

Yes. Because what an educated, self-confident, high-achieving  man wants to hear is that you’re too desperate to wander off even if things go south because you can’t do any better.

Did it ever occur to you that a relationship is made up of more than romantic gestures and efforts to raise your self esteem back from where your daddy dropped it?

Probably not. Seriously, that phase of cuddly cuteness lasts for like a few months. Then you realize that you don’t have to spend all day validating their feelings because you’re both doing stuff with your lives…My texts to Damon are usually something like “I love you. Will you come change Haven? It’s a corn diaper, and I did the last one.” 

How about this attitude instead: “Listen, dude. I’m pretty rad. I don’t need you to make me feel good about myself. I can do that by smiling at myself in the mirror in the morning. So, let’s see how this goes. Are you enough to keep around and potentially father my babies? I value my time. Use this chance wisely.”

Don’t expect him to be Mr. Amazing when you’ve been bingeing on Netflix for three days in your pajamas, complaining about how much men suck. Go back to college (or start). Learn to give back rubs. Go hiking. Get a new haircut. Learn to cook lasagna. Do something with your life! Otherwise, your perfect dude is probably waiting desperately in his mother’s basement finishing off his final round of Fallout 4 before heading to the night shift at McDonald’s. C’mon, ladies…that’s some sexy stuff, right?

There are two types of single girls on Facebook: those who post themselves progressing in life, and ones who post whiney statuses about other people not meeting their expectations. Which one are you?

Oh, and if dudes posted that crap, it would look something like this:

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Ladies, you’ve got double standards

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