We’re supposed to learn from other’s mistakes, right? Kinda. Those who haven’t done something are usually the loudest about how it ought to be done. “I’ve declared bankruptcy twice! But let me tell you what to do with your money so that you don’t end up like me!”or “I’ve never set foot inside a university, but let me tell you exactly how our economy should be run!” (He-llllo, Facebook!)
Nope. Baaad place to go. These are not the droids you are looking for. Although, I’ve worked for a few bankruptcy attorneys who have declared bankruptcy…they really believed in their service, I guess.
Childless people, or people who haven’t had young children in over 30 years, are often the most vocal about how children ought to be raised. It’s like the equivalent of telling a mechanic how to fix a car when you have never fixed one yourself, or haven’t in decades. Not that people can’t make observations like “Uhhh, should it be making that rattling noise?” or “You probably shouldn’t smoke while changing the oil…” OBVIOUSLY, you can tell if something is going terribly wrong. But unless you’ve raised a small child within the last decade, your credibility drops significantly just like it would with literally anything else.
I don’t have a teenager. I have a toddler. Therefore, parents of teens need not seek my parenting advice. I haven’t graduated from college. I’m currently enrolled. People who want to graduate do not need my advice. I haven’t been married for 10 years. I’ve been married for 2. People who have been married longer than that (or at all…ever) would really do better to ask elsewhere. Don’t ask your peers for advice on escaping a situation that you are both in. They’re great for empathy, but not for getting somewhere better.
Your marriage is in trouble. Okay, fine. Your marriage is probably fabulous, but let’s pretend like it’s in trouble. Who do you ask for help? Your friend who boyfriend hops like it’s some kinky professional sport? Hope not. Your divorced relative who’s still bitter about the past? Nope. Your parents who have been happily married for over twenty years? Bingo.
See the pattern here?
Now, I am NOT saying that people in the above situations have nothing to offer (reread that sentence if you find yourself extremely offended). Crap happens. Life happens. Abuse happens. Things. Happen. It may not be that person’s fault that they fell in that hole. Often, they can point out the warning signs because they’ve experienced it. They can be great resources for what not to do. But it depends, right? Are they still in that same crappy situation, or have they taken their own advice and rectified their lives? It’s the difference between these two statements:
A- I ditched class often. My grade suffered. You’re not attending class very often, so just be aware that it could hurt your grade.
B-I didn’t pass my class..still haven’t. But let me tell you exactly what to do so that you can!
If they haven’t done it successfully, then how in the heck would they know?! Well, hindsight is 20/20, right? No. Not really. People are not psychic.
“If only I had married a different person…things would be different.” Really? Would they be? How do you know that the other person wouldn’t be a jackwad too? You would have a whole new set of problems with a new person. Crazy, right?
“If only I hadn’t bought that new car, I wouldn’t be in this mess.” Maybe. Maybe not. You have zero way of knowing if that was the only factor that led you to your current circumstance.
I took an abnormal psychology course my first year of college. So…obviously..I know all sorts of stuff, right? (HA!) One of the first (probably best) things that we learned was that if a friend or family member came to us for a diagnosis or whatever was to tell them the following; We were not qualified. We did not have proper training. We did not have 1500 hours of clinical experience. We were not properly educated. And to refer them to someone who was.
Best question to ask yourself when seeking advice: Is this person in a place where I want to be?
If the answer is no, then look elsewhere.
Rock on, peeps.
None Given. None Taken. 